Despite a steady rise in only children over the past decade, we as a group are grossly misunderstood. I have personally been bombarded with many strange and quite frankly, intrusive questions about why my parents chose not to have another child. They did not seem to fathom how a couple could feel complete with only a single offspring (as if!). There is something about an only child that paints a picture of loneliness and a lifetime worth of sorrow. My experience being an only child was certainly not linear; there have been times when I missed having a sibling. In fact, to this day I find it hard to understand the realms of sibling relationships. But would I trade my ‘only child’ perks for a sibling? No, thank you! Here are some qualities (the good, bad and ugly) that I think were strongly influenced because of my only child experience:

1. Extraversion: Growing up, I was quite a hyper kid. One of the reasons my parents claim not to have gone for a second attempt was because I was already a handful! As a grown up, out of 10, I would say I am about a 7 of an extrovert. Sure, there are many other factors for my extraversion, but I know for a fact that me being alone at home gave me the motivation to go up to kids my age or even older to come play with me. My parents also moved a lot when I was growing up and I can remember at least 6 schools that I have studied in but I have never really had any problems making friends. Perhaps things would have been a little different if I had a sibling right at home, allowing me to remain in my comfort zone and not trying as hard to make friends. This has played an important role in me being a people-person even today.

2. Stable relationship with my parents: Only children do not know what it feels like to compete for their parents’ attention. Of course it really depends on the parents and whether they take it to the other extreme and spoil the child. I had well-balanced parents who gave me just the right amount of attention a child needs to feel loved and secure. The dynamics in my house is very different from the dynamics of say, my husband’s who has a younger sister. Since I did not grow up with a sibling, I formed a sort of friendship with my parents, especially my mother. In fact, I remember imagining my mom as being my elder sister at times because we really did share that kind of relationship. We would play games, she would take me out on her two-wheeler for rides, and I really just have a lot of good memories from my childhood which has been a determining factor in our relationship today; whenever the three of us have lived under one roof, it always feels like three friends having a good time. In contrast, my husband does not quite share that kind of relationship with his parents and does not open up to them as much. Him and his sister share a much closer bond with each other than their parents and I could be wrong but that seems to be a trend among a lot of children with siblings.

3. My independence: When I turned 19 and decided to continue my education in the U.S while my parents decided to move back to India, a lot of people around me thought I was very brave to do so at such a young age and being “independent” was a tag I had been proudly given by my close friends and family. Although it certainly was a difficult time in my life, I think I was long prepared for such independent living. I was also a latch-key kid, so because both my parents worked, I would come home to no one else in the house but myself. As a child, I did have periods of boredom and loneliness but as I entered teenage, that quickly changed to a sense of freedom and taking care of myself. With no one to tell me when to do my homework or to eat, I practically taught myself to be organized and stick to a timeline. So when I did move out of the proverbial nest, it did not seem as hard as everyone was making it to be! And this takes me to my next point..

4. My struggle with space: This is an ongoing one. I have always been aware of my problem with space. Either I give none or I want too much of it. When you grow up alone, you begin to enjoy your own company a lot. There was a lot of self-discovery at a very young age; I remember coming back home from school, I would blast the stereo system and just dance! I was not a great dancer as a kid but because I danced virtually every day, I became a sort of self-taught dancer. I also began writing short stories/keeping journals which gave birth to a very novice hobby-writing. It is also true that only children tend to talk to themselves more often than other kids. I did it all the time and this kick-started an early onset of self-reflection and introspection so, talking to yourself really isn’t as bad as they make it seem, is it?! But I also was a kid who craved for people’s attention. Since I was given a lot of it at home, I expected that to happen everywhere! Of course I learned it the hard way, but not before trying every possible way of seeking attention- at school and among friends. As I entered my late teens, it dwindled down quite a bit in fact, I began walking the other direction for a while there; just being in-tune with myself and being repelled when I got any attention at all! Like I said, this is an ongoing one. Now that I am married the boundaries of space are even more blurred. Luckily for me, my husband has somehow figured out exactly the right amount of attention and space I need which makes my life easier!

5. My inability to share: I do not think I was ever a spoiled child, and my parents never gave me more than I needed and I thank them for that. Since I had so many friends, I did learn to share things a lot. As far as I remember I did not struggle with that but surprisingly, I started seeing the repercussions as a grown up. Admittedly, I have trouble sharing my food with others. I also tend to get possessive about my books; it is hard for me to lend books to friends. Still, these are fairly insignificant things that can easily be overlooked. However, the problem starts when it seeps into the intangible- relationships. This is not a problem now as much as it was growing up. I remember as a child, if my mother ever thought another kid was cute or I saw an old picture of her with a random child, I would get jealous. This also seeped into my friendships where I would be bothered if my best friend spent more time with another one of hers and in fact, saw that as a sign of betrayal. I find it rather funny now that I am typing it all but at one point, those were serious issues. Thankfully that aspect of my personality no longer exists- or so I think. I think I always saw this as my biggest flaw, and after a lot of introspection and self-growth, I successfully brought it down a notch and is barely an issue anymore.

We never truly change though, and perhaps I will always be that talkative, independent girl who needs her space but also has a tough time sharing her food and her people. Being an only child is wonderful, complicated and unique and even with its shortcomings, I would not want to have it any other way.